One for the photographers — DSLR cathechism

Which lens is best to have on hand? The one at home.
Which camera is best? The model a step up from the one you just bought.
When will the right camera for you be available? Probably next year.
When will it be affordable? When it is obsolete.
What camera do ‘fools’ buy? Yours.
Should you shoot RAW? No! Shoot jpeg and get it right the first time you moron.
Should you shoot jpeg? No! Sliders and presets and curves! Shoot RAW you moron.
What must you improve? Your workflow.
Of what must you have more? Screen real estate.
Where does no one want to be? In front of a computer.
Where does everyone want to be? Out shooting.
How much light is there? Not enough.
What must the light be? Natural.
What must the colour balance be? Neutral.
What must the subject matter be? Interesting.
What do adjustments make your photograph? More interesting.
What must the background be? Blown out.
What mustn’t the highlights be? Blown out.
What must the shadows be? Punchy.
What must the flash be? Diffuse.
What else? Soft.
Like this? No. Now? No. Now? Just turn it off. What’s the meaning of it all?
Self-redemption through an endless stream of pouty self-portraits on Flickr. Also weddings. ha! and wait for all the pictures from guess who was a “supermodel” when the real ones got their dates mixed up. Oh, the dorkiness in front of more than 20 cameras.